Catching Up! And a pet peeve...

The past few weeks have been very busy in the Klaver house. We have had some of the craziest things to the happiest things go on in our house. We have had our sewer system back up into our house and basement three times in the last two weeks that I have been absent. That is one of the reasons I had decided that I just didn't have time to blog over the past few weeks. Because I had to deal with shit. Literally. Because the fine staff at Lincoln Military Housing, are such fucking geniuses, when it comes to fixing anything. I ended up with four inches of shit in my basement, a six foot deep hole in my side yard, and no water for an entire day.

It is all better...for now. Like I said those guys are fucking geniuses.

In other news, we have been car shopping...car shopping makes me want to pull my hair out. I mean how many times can a person lie? Well, let me tell you about a doucher named Paco at the Ford dealership here in San Antonio called McCombs Ford West. Yes, I did just call that lying piece of shit out and I hope he fucking reads this too. Lying piece of shit! Ok...moving on. This mother fucker is the biggest lying piece of shit on the planet. Then when I caught him in his lies three times he yelled at me! Haha, this fool had the audacity to lie to me then blame me for his lies. So short end of this story is we got to drive around a brand new Ford Explorer for two weeks while this fool tried to cover up his lies. Moral of the story, when you know someone is lying, put as many miles as you can on their vehicle, and we did...all 700 of them. Oh and Paco is a lying piece of shit.

The hunt goes on for an SUV that we like that will fit into our budget we have set. We could have afforded this one without a problem but, I would rather spend less instead of more. Now, that I know that we get a huge discount for being USAA members I will not allow someone to take that away from us. Not even that fat lying piece of shit named Paco.

In the middle of all of this we had a visit from our best friends from Florida, Lou and Ainara. We missed them. But, we didn't even realize how much we missed them until they got here and our lives were instantly better. We spent an entire four days with them and didn't get even one group picture. How lame are we? But we did get a few other pictures.

We got to see hippos!

We got to ride elephants...well, brass elephants.

We rode dragons...

We played around this air museum...a lot.

And we ate this pizza...at Big Lou's, of course.

Then we said, "See you soon." Guess we are taking a little bit of our leave in Florida. Can't wait.

Now, for my pet peeve. I have decided that if I text you and I know damn well that you got my text and you do not have the decency to text me back even a little bit, you can fuck off. I mean, even a few days later is totally fine. But straight up ignoring me then getting pissed if I do not answer for you. Get out of here with that. Anyway, moral of the story is...if you complain about having fake friends or none at all...you may want to consider that you might just be the problem.

Cherish your friends. They are the family you choose. We only have a few friends that we consider family and we are lucky as hell to have them in our lives.

My "old" blog...

I was just reading Rachel's Rants...I know, I am a total freak and I reread my own writing sometimes. But then something amazing happened...I looked at my pageviews and I literally averaged 10,000 visits a month in 2013. Which completely proves to me two things. The first being that people actually enjoy my writing. Which, is something that puts me on cloud nine and truly makes me glad I have decided that I needed to start writing again. My writing style has changed some but not soo much that you really do not know who I am anymore. I am just a better version of myself.

The second thing I have realized, Google AdSense has only paid me $25 in a year. Seriously, what a fucking waste of space. But hey, it is $25 that I did not have before. So now that I am all set up I can start collecting my fucking hard earned click pennies. I am going to save all of them and buy a house in a hundred years. I will be dead or, the oldest human being on the planet, but I will be a rich bitch. Actually, only if inflation works in my favor. Haha. I swear, math is good sometimes, but when I get in the heat of the moment I get like super stupid.

I have been watching MTV for the last few hours, like two hours. And I have seen the hydroxycut commercial about a dozen times. (side note: Apparently hydroxycut makes the dictionary and I got that shit right!) You know the commercial with some girl doing her crazy dance with their chunky self in a bikini to their theme song "Bring on the Fire." Some how they magically lose 30 lbs in like a ten second commercial. I kind of want to try that stuff. I wonder what kind of results I would have. Seriously, sorry hydroxycut, this girl is happy being a chunker with a plan and a hot date with the gym. By hot date with the gym I mean, I keep standing up the gym like it's my job. But Jeremy and I have said that we actually need to get out of the house and get a hobby. Hobby = Gym

So I have been without Facebook for a few days. I have come to realize that even though I hate Facebook, I kind of need it. What I mean by that is, my friend's are all on Facebook. We have all chosen to keep in touch with each other in that way. Things have seriously changed in our world. I need Facebook to keep up with my friendships and my own life. Also, I feel like I am being left out. Even Jeremy was cruel enough to say, "Want to know what is happening on Facebook today? Then fucking sign back in!" He loves me. I was all ready to be this martyr and I just can't. Also, I have come to find out that I have been a complete idiot and synced up a ton of my life to my Facebook login. I cannot save all of my shit that I need on a daily, because, I no longer have access to my Facebook. I have come to realize all of this in the three days I have been without it. How fucking sad is that? I mean, how the fuck else am I supposed to get you fools to read my shit? I have to tell you that it is here right!? So now that I have done my little experiment I am going to sign back in and share this link with all of you. And all of you can say...I FUCKING KNEW SHE WOULD BREAK DOWN AND SIGN BACK IN. Congratulations. You were right. I have been defeated.

But I have also found out that I actually am starting to like Twitter...you should follow me @iamrachelklaver or you can click HERE to follow me. Kevin Heart follows me...because he loves him some pretty, filipino, unavailable, ranting, girl. I mean me. He likes to follow me. Oh and Morgan Freeman has an account and he followed me too. I swear I am not making this shit up. HOLLYWOOD! HERE I FUCKING COME! Ok, so they are probably bogus ass accounts, but who cares?!?

Sorry I am late...

I have been doing a lot of contemplating lately. I have decided that I wanted to deactivate my Facebook. If this wasn't forever it would be for a good long while. I really have come to realize that Facebook is a shit show of everyone. Honestly, who freaking cares what your life is like? Who cares about who or what everyone else is? When did we become these creatures that allow such an invasion of privacy? Seriously, everything that we use now has some connection to Facebook. Think about how scary that really can be? I mean, the thing that gets me is the tracking cookies that Facebook has been using to track what I do on the internet on a daily basis.

My husband and I have recently decided that we are going to purchase a new vehicle. Among some other personal things we are currently going through I started seeing ads for things that no one would really have known about me even given the fact that I surfed some websites on a different browser on a different IP address and never signed into my Facebook. So how did Facebook know that I searched these things? How much about us do they really know? I know that this makes me sound like a complete crazy person but I am not sure that I am comfortable with how much information I have involuntarily shared with Facebook. I mean, how much of my life do they really need to know?

My other huge reason behind me deleting my Facebook is I have become this person that is completely disconnected from the "real" world. I have also come to find that my own "friends" do not even contact me at all unless it is for something they need and then they just straight up disappear. I think this is something that I have just come to realize and I am tired. I am tired of having to log into Facebook to get a glimpse of who I thought were my friends. It was only until I came to this realization that I felt my feelings were hurt by this. So I got angry at Facebook for basically showing me that we cannot co-exist as people with people anymore. We are only co-existing people to internet. Let's be honest...no one is who they say they are anymore and can really be whomever they want, happy, sad, someone who is not a drug addict, someone who is not a drunk. Facebook has become a mask that many use and it is killing the way that we are as people.

Ever see those remember what your childhood was like postings? How we all used to play outside and get a hold of each other without a phone? I worry that those days have come and gone and my unborn children will have to make friends on a virtual level. I do not want that for them. We have ruined ourselves as a society of people with technology. The biggest thing to ruin us as people is Facebook. We depend on it entirely too much. My husband had his birthday party recently and because people were invited in person they didn't even show up! One person told me had they been invited via Facebook they would have remembered. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT!

So now I have to rely on people finding my blog the old fashioned way because I have unplugged my life. I say fuck that. I would rather have people who actually want to get a hold of me to figure out how to do it. I told my husband last night that my real friends will get a hold of me that want to and those who don't are not really my friends. Of course you can always stalk me through instagram but that is going to be the only way other than my phone number or my email from this day forward. So for now I say, fuck Facebook. When did we get to be so reliant on something that controls everything we do. I refuse to be that person anymore. I am grabbing a hold of my own life. Seriously. Don't be a sheep. Be a person.

PS. I am PAINFULLY aware of the horrible writing in this blog. I just am being a lazy bitch today and you will have to just read it the way it should be read. Deal with it.

Some food and a surprise!

Being gluten free really is not as hard as I thought it would be. I feel so much better about my eating now. I have literally found that now if I even stray a tiny bit and have flour anything I feel like I am going to die. But the best part about being gluten free is I get full SUPER fast! Which also means that I have to slow my eating down a lot. If I eat too much too fast then I regret it in about 10 minutes. We have had a lot of fun with being gluten free this week. I had forgotten how much I love being in the kitchen. I made a lot of things from scratch this week using methods I have never used. I was pretty successful!

I made muffins,

shrimp alfredo,

meatloaf with baked macaroni and cheese,

and PIZZA!

Now, tonight I am going to make grilled chicken with zucchini pasta, fresh pesto, and roasted tomatoes. I will be sure to post up pictures of it on my instagram. Which I guess I will have to make public. This way, I can share all of the amazing food that I happen to cook up. <---Click that weird floating button to follow me. Now, just remember you are getting a peek into my life and there will be a few more pictures than my food. Don't worry, no one is naked. That would be against the terms and conditions of instagram. Which is really too bad.

So now, the big surprise that a few of you have been waiting for...

My husband and I were dirt poor when we got married. When I met my husband he didn't have a dime and neither did I really. (I had literally just moved to Florida the night before.) He drove a huge boat of a car that was terrible on gas, no air conditioning, smelled like gasoline, and he wore the world's worst sandals. Remember those Jesus looking sandals? Yeah, he was that guy. Well, when we got married we could not afford a real diamond ring. It was super fake and anyone who looked at it knew it...well, most people. You would not believe the amount of people who really thought this thing was real. That was ok with us. So after a long time of saving up, and searching the internet for a terrific jeweler, he finally was able to get me the most beautiful ring on the planet. I could not be happier. You see, that is love, people. We all know that I definitely was not in it for the money. I love my husband; he takes such good care of me and our dog. So now, I have a 2 carat sparkler on my finger and we are going to go get a new diamond band soon. But for now, I am going to wear my original band because it reminds me just how far we have come. We now have a new car, a new life, paid off credit cards, and new careers. He was the change that I was literally waiting for my whole life. He is the most positive change in my life. I literally won the lottery when I met him. The awesome guy lottery.

Here it is! Yay!

Now, I want all of you to be thankful for who you have in your life. Also, make sure that you get rid of the people that are toxic. I know that I did. I could not be happier.

I am going to miss beer.

For the past few weeks Jeremy and I have been trying to make a serious change to our diets because my syndrome doesn't get along with gluten anymore. I first figured this out when I cut out carbs almost completely while Jeremy was away at BCT. For those of you who do not know what that stands for it is Basic Combat Training. It seems that every time I eat something that has gluten like pizza, or pasta...pretty much everything I live for, my stomach would hurt so bad I could burst into tears. Not like the gross type of hurt that people say when they have the shits kind of deal. You all know who you are...you don't have to lie and say your stomach hurts because we all know it is really your bowel screaming for some relief. It's alright, we all cry and we all take painful shits. But more like I am going to straight blow up. Bomb in my stomach type of blow up.

After having these pains in my stomach from eating anything that was flour related, or anytype of gluten, I decided I needed to do more research and see what the heck is going on with me. Turns out having PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) and no gallbladder really made my body reject gluten! I didn't just come to this conclusion. It isn't like I will die if I eat something that has gluten. I went to my doctor and asked him. Turns out it makes me feel lethargic and all kinds of bad. He agreed that I am definitely not someone who is allergic to gluten. However, I have the odds stacked against me for having any type of normal occurrence when it comes to eating anything with gluten. Thus, I have decided to make a change.

I have made a different decision though. That is to not throw out everything in my house gluten related. I feel like that is a total waste of money. After all, my hot hunk of man doesn't have a gluten intolerance. I have instead decided to make the change in our house a gradual one. Although, now that I have looked back into how we eat in our home we really were mostly eating that way to begin with. So thankfully, it will not be a hard switch. I think the hardest thing for me...because well, I love beer. Is giving up drinking all of these delicious concoctions made out of barley and most of all wheat. I am a sucker for wheat beer and I just am having a hard time letting this go. I feel like I am an addict that needs a twelve step program. No disrespect to those who actually need this type of thing. But it is hard to let go of something you really love ya know?

I guess vodka, gin, rum, whiskey, bourbon, ciders and all of those other things that are not made with barley or wheat are going to be my main squeeze for the rest of my life. The best part is I have a love affair with wine. I can still have that. Fuck yeah. Life is good. Oh and I don't mean those shitty ass gluten free ultra light beers...gag me. Serious.

Now, as far as food is concerned I have learned about some really amazing substitutes for things that I absolutely love! I have found quinoa is replacing pretty much everything that requires any type of pasta. Also, there are some pretty amazing things that you can do with vegetables too. I have found my love for salad again. Which is a feat for me because my gallbladder was not having it for a long time and I would turn into a salad shooter (literally) after eating any raw vegetables. But I have kept at eating raw vegetables and worked through the feeling of want to puke all while shitting at the same time after eating them. Now, I am completely normal about eating vegetables and all of you now know entirely too much about my bowel system. Never eat and read blogs...we are a gross group of individuals.

So if you have a tip or some kind of amazing recipe that is gluten free...share that bitch! And by amazing I mean that you will think about this particular dish morning, noon, and night before you actually are able to put that amazingness in your mouth. And for those of you sluts out there, I don't mean a dick.

I mean an actual recipe or a tip about being gluten free. Now have a fucking great rest of the week!

In the beginning...

Jeremy and I have the most romantic story ever....alright, I am totally lying. We have the most fucked up story ever. But so far the ending is looking quite amazing. He is straight up. My best friend. I have a girl best friend and I am sure I will write about our shenanigans soon because I am going to travel to see her this summer. But for now, I will tell you how this whole craziness, which is our life, happened. It really was not that long ago, but when you know, YOU JUST KNOW. So no judging here, because I know some stories about some people that will make your head spin. We actually have a completely normal story compared to some of these fools that are married and in the military. Oh yeah, we are a military family. But not the way that you think. We married each other and then married the military.

Alright, so again, it really was not that long ago...that I decided to move myself to Florida. I haven't the slightest clue on what I was thinking other than I needed to change my whole life and start over. Some of my friends were lucky enough to come for the ride and the rest of those assholes and bitches had to watch on the sidelines. It was September 22, 2012. I know! I told you it really wasn't that long ago! I moved into my friend's house and three girls were all set to tear this state up! I made a promise to myself that I was going to not date ANYONE for at least a year. The next night my friend and myself decided, let's go to Pirate Fest! Yeah! Sounds like a great idea right? Then...I wanted to sit on this chair...

Now, as you can imagine, at the time I was completely drunk. So I didn't even realize until way later that this would be the very moment that I met my husband. After his friend initiated our conversation...I always tell people that he was hitting on me. To be honest, I was drunk and sticking to my guns on wanting to do me only, I completely ignored him. The line went like this, "Hey, can you buy my friend and I beer? Because, the bartenders listen to girls faster than they do guys." Not even a minute later his friend was right. He had two beers and was being ignored by me. The next thing I hear was, "My name is (insert name here)and this is my friend, Klaver." Then I look up and I see this giant delicious man with his hand out, "Actually, it's Jeremy." After those words, we were inseparable.

Funny thing though, our real first date. Was with his mom. This is totally true. See here:

Anyway, fast forward about ten months and we got legally married...illegally, in a public park. We couldn't afford the permit to get married there, so it was a REAL quick ceremony. And guess who married us? The guy who introduced us of course!

A few short weeks later we adopted Tank!

Then Jeremy left for basic.

And that is how we became this awesomeness...

Oh! AND we moved to Texas.

Now that you know our screwed up story...keep reading as we continue to share our life publicly...on this lame ass blog.